Listening to prayers

We paint on smiles that match our skin

And robotic voices echo through the building

They told me work 

would be my escape from home

But now I have trouble 

seeing the difference

Because I paint on a smile for you each morning

And tell you less each day

But today I found myself listening in again

I'm sorry I stopped

And I'm sorry I did

And I'm sorry I do

But I'm mostly sorry I stopped

I'm sorry that even though 

you don't realize it

My soul is older than yours on occasion

And I don't know when 

I stopped being there for you  

Because I used to listen in 

on every crying phone call 

And every heart felt prayer

But last time I knocked on your door 

Hoping you would finally realize 

I've been here all along

And you shut and locked yourself up

 deep down inside

And eventually I think I thought 

I could listen to music with headphones in

Because there was nothing to miss

I've never been ok 

putting both earbuds in my ear

Until this year

And I don't think I'll find it ok again

Because dear

No matter how much your new husband pretends

Everything is not ok

And I wanted to be the one 

you finally admitted the words

"I feel broken" to

But I wasn't

Instead it was your moms cousin 

who lives down the road

And that makes me want to cry

But I heard it mom

I heard it

And I won't miss you saying it again

And maybe when I've moved out 

You'll finally say it to me

So here's to wishes

That I finally stop painting on smiles

And let my voice ring true

Because I wouldn't be here without you

And I won't let you be alone