For my father

My father was the teen 

who just wanted out

Who just wanted to be done

With his family

The child who saved up his quarters 

For arcade games and soda

He was the father

Who loved his family 

His kids

His wife 

His life

And even though

He couldnt manage to keep it or himself  together

He never let go

And he never let anything 

come between him

And his family

And I will never forget 

That to him

Family was always more

And no matter what 

No matter how stupid we were

Or what choices we make 

we would always be family

And that is more

More than any girlfriend 

Any party

And any work friends 

He could ever have 

And he will always 

Be the dad who taught me to play baseball

Who took me to every game

Who bought me soda And candy 

And basically any book

Or sport equipment

I ever wanted

And the truth is I suck at sports

But I will always love them

Until the day I die

I will love them

I will be humming the tune

Take me out to the ball game

Until the day I die

Because he did 

And he bought me hot dogs

And taught me how to spit seeds

And how to be tough 

And how to throw a ball

Catch a ball 

Hit a ball

Dribble a ball

And how to be competitive

He taught me that I could do anything

my brothers could do

And I proved it 

By being the best at every sport

And by being the first child 

to start on mission papers

And even though he doesn't believe what I do

He 100 percent supports me 

and my brothers 

On going on a mission

And he supports me dating a missionary 

And working for said missionary's family

And he just wants me to be happy

And to never give up

Because he knows he taught me 

to be competitive 

for a reason

For my mother

My mom was the woman 

who grew up so fast 

she forgot to do the growing

The teen who loved the rebel life 

But never really took part in it

The girl that beat up the boys on the playground

And never wanted to date anyone

Now she's the woman 

who was abandoned

Now Never truly appreciated

And never truly done

because she 

has passed elementary school 

and middle school 

twice now

And she has her son's graduation to prove it

She runs her daughter to work every day

And convinces her to actually buy clothing 

Instead of always getting rid of it

She also happens to be 

the part time therapist

Of her mother in law 

Who lives in her basement

She is a motivational speaker

To her 20 year old son

Who could be so much more

And she never stopped trying

because she doesn't want to let go

And even though 

I may disagree with her

from time to time

I will always respect her

for how far she's come

And for never giving up

And I owe her this

Listening to prayers

We paint on smiles that match our skin

And robotic voices echo through the building

They told me work 

would be my escape from home

But now I have trouble 

seeing the difference

Because I paint on a smile for you each morning

And tell you less each day

But today I found myself listening in again

I'm sorry I stopped

And I'm sorry I did

And I'm sorry I do

But I'm mostly sorry I stopped

I'm sorry that even though 

you don't realize it

My soul is older than yours on occasion

And I don't know when 

I stopped being there for you  

Because I used to listen in 

on every crying phone call 

And every heart felt prayer

But last time I knocked on your door 

Hoping you would finally realize 

I've been here all along

And you shut and locked yourself up

 deep down inside

And eventually I think I thought 

I could listen to music with headphones in

Because there was nothing to miss

I've never been ok 

putting both earbuds in my ear

Until this year

And I don't think I'll find it ok again

Because dear

No matter how much your new husband pretends

Everything is not ok

And I wanted to be the one 

you finally admitted the words

"I feel broken" to

But I wasn't

Instead it was your moms cousin 

who lives down the road

And that makes me want to cry

But I heard it mom

I heard it

And I won't miss you saying it again

And maybe when I've moved out 

You'll finally say it to me

So here's to wishes

That I finally stop painting on smiles

And let my voice ring true

Because I wouldn't be here without you

And I won't let you be alone