Word painting (trying something different)

A girl leaves foot prints of red 

but Her feet are not bleeding

Because the world can't hurt Her

But her connection to the earth 

has been severed

And her soul is bleeding 

Out of the soles of her feet

She feels lost 

because she appears to be surrounded

by a maze of red footprints 

where she has already walked In circles 

again 

and again 

and again

The trees are brown 

The leaves are green

The earth is white

And the people are grey

They leave no footprints

But whatever color she had 

left When her soul started to bleed out

And even though she suspects she is lost

And knows she won't be found

Something keeps her feet moving

And something 

stops her soul from healing

But something keeps her blood flowing

And she suspects it is her heart

one day she found a new set of footprints

They were blue

And they were cold

But they were there

She followed them to the boy 

with a broken heart

And patched up his heart 

before he bled out

And even though their footprints 

never stopped

And the world seemed just as white
and just as full of grey people

And they still had no idea where their
feet were trying to take them

They knew they would make it there together

Listening to prayers

We paint on smiles that match our skin

And robotic voices echo through the building

They told me work 

would be my escape from home

But now I have trouble 

seeing the difference

Because I paint on a smile for you each morning

And tell you less each day

But today I found myself listening in again

I'm sorry I stopped

And I'm sorry I did

And I'm sorry I do

But I'm mostly sorry I stopped

I'm sorry that even though 

you don't realize it

My soul is older than yours on occasion

And I don't know when 

I stopped being there for you  

Because I used to listen in 

on every crying phone call 

And every heart felt prayer

But last time I knocked on your door 

Hoping you would finally realize 

I've been here all along

And you shut and locked yourself up

 deep down inside

And eventually I think I thought 

I could listen to music with headphones in

Because there was nothing to miss

I've never been ok 

putting both earbuds in my ear

Until this year

And I don't think I'll find it ok again

Because dear

No matter how much your new husband pretends

Everything is not ok

And I wanted to be the one 

you finally admitted the words

"I feel broken" to

But I wasn't

Instead it was your moms cousin 

who lives down the road

And that makes me want to cry

But I heard it mom

I heard it

And I won't miss you saying it again

And maybe when I've moved out 

You'll finally say it to me

So here's to wishes

That I finally stop painting on smiles

And let my voice ring true

Because I wouldn't be here without you

And I won't let you be alone 

Withdrawals

It's only been a day 

but I already miss you

I feel like an alcoholic trying to sober up

But I never wanted you to go

I feel like a heroin addict 

going through withdrawals 

Like an alpine mom with a migraine 

Because she never got her diet coke

And every part of me 

from the itching between each rib 

And the numbness in my toes 

to this imaginary migraine 

are signs that I miss you.

And the truth is I was with you just last night.

And I will see you tomorrow

And you aren't going anywhere

At least not yet

Socks

I have never liked socks

If I don't wear shoes 

I'm not wearing socks

I do not sleep with socks on

And I do not know how it would even work

If you sleep with your socks on

It's likely I will never fully understand you 

My socks never match

Because I stopped caring 

about taking the time 

to make them do so

Socks were never my thing 

Because they wore out too fast

Turn black upon the first step outside

And the feeling of worn out thick socks 

on calloused feet was like 

wearing a coat inside 

an uncomfortably hot room 

I never liked their texture

Or the line over the toes where they are stitched up

I would cry when I was younger because the line was on the wrong part of my foot when I put shoes on

And my poor mother would have to untie my shoes take them off straighten my socks and start all over. But it never sit just right.

When I got older I'm convinced 

my parents bought me socks two sizes too big 

And the end always flopped over 

And my dad always said 

I had a smurf hat on the end of my toes

And maybe 

that was my mother's response 

to my strong hate 

for the line across the toes of my socks

Maybe that would stop it from touching me

And keep it out of mind 

And maybe it worked 

because eventually I grew into those socks 

And eventually I learned to live with it

And now I have lost almost all the matches to my socks 

or have been forced to throw them away 

due to the fact that they were full of holes

And even when I see a matching pair 

Right in front of me 

something makes me 

pick up only one of them

And then dig to find another

I think I gave up on perfection

The moment I learned to live 

with the lines 

across the toes 

of my socks

photography by ~me

socks and shoes owned by ~me

feet~not mine

i'm taking this chance to thank my mom because she posed for this for like 10 minutes and that is a long time to stand still.

Caterpillars

I feel a little out of it and maybe I'm just tired

But today I learned about how stimuli can cause people to react if followed by a certain response for long enough 

And they call this a conditioned response 

And it seems like eating good food with you has made me want to do nothing but eat good food

And I don't want to eat without you by my side

And maybe I learned it all wrong

And maybe this is a terrible example

But I know that you are leaving soon

And so am I

But I don't want to let you go 

I know that you need to leave your cacoon and I know you will be happier when you do

And I know I too will have to leave some day

But I have a feeling 

Even though we both started out as caterpillars

You will come out and fly away a butterfly

And maybe all I'll ever be is a moth

And I'm not just being sexist because pretty much every species in nature the male is more beautiful or colorful or elegant than the female

But maybe nature was waiting for me to see the comparison 

And maybe nature was trying to break it to me slowly

But I learned from tv shows that moths are stronger so maybe that's what I'll be

Even though I can never measure up to what you are maybe I'll be stronger

And maybe that will be what you need

When we both find each other in the sky

Oh how I hope we will

And oh how I hope it will be soon.