Never ending

The days seem never ending
 but never long enough

Thoughts of things worth mending
Make me start to choke 

There isn't enough time for anything
What's left is consumed by sleep

There isn't time to drink
So I've become dehydrated

There isn't time to finish anything
But worst of all there isn't even time to cry

It sucks 
and there's always a constant reminder

Even this poem was rushed
Because there's no time

I couldn't keep up with the rhymes 
All I could do was vent

Because by the end 
That's all that really matters

Maybe some day I'll have time
And maybe then I'll cry

But for now I'm stuck in this never ending motion

Of always having to do something

I'm not scared, at least as far as you know

I not scared

I'm not scared because then you'd worry. 

I'm not scared because heights and clowns and dolls can't hurt me. 

At least not unless I let them. 

And I'm not scared because if I started to admit it I'd be a wreck. 

/I'm not scared of my family members dying 

because normal people don't have those nightmares 

or at least not as often as I do. 

I'm not scared because I don't have to ask for help. 

/I'm not scared that people will hate me or that I'm really powerless. 

Because if people knew i'd be even more scared. 

I'm not afraid of dying at least not as much as living 

/I'm not scared that one day my dad will confront me and ask why my writing sounds like a suicide letter. 

Because that was just a dream. 

I'm not afraid of loosing sleep because most of the time it's sleep that haunts me. 

I'm not afraid of spiders but I start to get cautious when I fall asleep on the floor. 

/I'm not afraid of moving again and I'm not afraid of growing up

Because that's life 

/and I'm not afraid of that

I'm not afraid of being alone

/not even when I'm hurting

I'm not afraid of black cats monsters or demons. 

/And I'm definitely not afraid of the sound of saxophones playing in the distance. 

But I might be afraid of you

And I might be afraid of me

Because were both so good at lying

(Look back anything with a / in front of the line was a lie. But I'm sure you already knew that)

How to survive a divorce

1- Accept that it's happening

2- Realize your not the only one hurting

3- Bury your pain

4- Only cry for others

5- But never in front of others

6- Don't let them feel the same

7- Pretend it never happened 

After all your still you right

Wrong 

Because your friends say you've changed

And your teachers hug you in the hallway

Because you still won't admit your not ok 

7- realize you need new tactics

8- decide it's ok

9- hope everyone forgets

But they won't 

Because you'll always be the kid 

who broke down in the middle of class 

crying because it was all too much

10- start to fear being different

11- try to fade away

12- enter middle school

13- make some crappy friends

14- make bad choices

Because you need to fill the gap somehow

And making them think your lively 

makes them think your ok

15- fix yourself

16- make real friends

17- pretend divorce is a part of life

18- pretend you never made mistakes

19- pretend to be perfectly fine 

20- let your mom get remarried

21- be ok with moving away

22- find out your older brother

Who might as well be god in your eyes

Isn't coming with you

23- Cry a lot

But don't let him see you cry

But let him know how much you miss him

24- try to start over

25- spend a year getting your crap together 

26- accept that this is your new life

27- enter highschool

28- realize that now divorce is everyday life

29- stop taking advice from someone who obviously fails at life

In fact you probably shouldn't have read this in the first place

In fact it probably wouldn't work anyways because none of you are in 6th grade

But still

30- Stop taking my advice