Coming home was like
entertaining an alternate universe
Little brothers are now taller than you
Family is a lot more broken
than you’ve ever seen it before
But your bed reverted back to its 8 year old self
And you hoped
you’d never see that shade of purple
again
And everyone treats you just the same
And
It’s almost like time stood still
Your room is still mostly in order
Your Room is still mostly your room
But it was also converted from your cage
To your mothers sanctuary
And your not quite sure how to feel about that
And your not quite sure how you feel
About divorce
But your also not quite sure
How you feel about drowning
Because that’s what it was
And your family slowly starts to realize
Something is different
And you just don’t want it to be different
And you miss the same
But the same hurts a lot too
And you can only circle the drain for so long
Before you decide you don’t like swimming
And I’ve never been very good at swimming
And I still remember what it feels like
To gasp for breath
And find only water
To fill my lungs
But back then I thought it was just a cough
A mishap
A fluke
Because that was normal
And I’m glad I get to set a new normal
Because the more distance I put
Between me and before
The more the things that stayed the same
Feel like drowning
However the more I feel
the family that still loves me
That waited for me
That fought alone while I was gone
That was drowning for so long
Without me
The more I feel that their love is still the same
And that is like breathing
Casper's life
Friday, May 18, 2018
Tuesday, May 1, 2018
Burning bridges
You’ve been trying to cross bridges
That I burned down long ago
You’ve been stumbling in the
trenches of my sorrow
And I can see it hurts
I know it hurts
But honey
Don’t you see
Your the reason they are here
Bridges burnt down by your own carelessness
And granted I filled the gap with sorrows
But wasn’t it about time
you got a taste of your own medicine
Because I may have shut the door
But darling
Your the reason
I took extra precautions
Your the reason
I left things that way
But if you really felt sorry
If for even a moment you actually felt sorry
You would realize
It’s not your own sorrow your drowning in
It’s not your bridges that burnt down
You merely wandered a little too far
And wandered into the mess you left me in
The mess I ran from
And I don’t blame you if you hurt
It hurt me too
But just know
What you felt
Was splashing in the shallow end
Maybe some of it got in your eyes
But you will never understand
The pain and tears that filled those trenches
Because a lot of it is gone
But I remember choking on it
And your little fit
Well Honey
It’s cute.
That I burned down long ago
You’ve been stumbling in the
trenches of my sorrow
And I can see it hurts
I know it hurts
But honey
Don’t you see
Your the reason they are here
Bridges burnt down by your own carelessness
And granted I filled the gap with sorrows
But wasn’t it about time
you got a taste of your own medicine
Because I may have shut the door
But darling
Your the reason
I took extra precautions
Your the reason
I left things that way
But if you really felt sorry
If for even a moment you actually felt sorry
You would realize
It’s not your own sorrow your drowning in
It’s not your bridges that burnt down
You merely wandered a little too far
And wandered into the mess you left me in
The mess I ran from
And I don’t blame you if you hurt
It hurt me too
But just know
What you felt
Was splashing in the shallow end
Maybe some of it got in your eyes
But you will never understand
The pain and tears that filled those trenches
Because a lot of it is gone
But I remember choking on it
And your little fit
Well Honey
It’s cute.
Wednesday, April 4, 2018
Im just not sure what this poem is about
Because maybe its about love
And how i feel so much better when you are around
But you arent here
Maybe its about frustration
And how fallign asleep seems as easy
as balancing on one foot while the other is above my head
How counting sheep turns to counting frustrations
And words i wanted to say
But was too mature to say
And how the words held back itch in my throat
About how its hard being the adult
Especially when the acutal audults are acting like children.
But maybe it should be about pinky pormises
And how i promised you i would try to sleep
Or how i thought writing this poem would help me sleep
Perhaps it could take the spin of
how bad my spelling gets after 1 am
Or how thereputic writing on a keyboard is
Or why that is
But for nnow its a jumbled mess of
Im tired
mostly Im just tired of being the mature adult
But someone has to be.
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