Game over (poetry workshop)

Mom and dad

No.   Sorry.

Now it's

My mom and my dad

No sorry that's not right either

My mom

And

My dad

But that may not be entirely accurate anymore 

Because not even 100 breaths between words 

Sums up the distance between you

And it's been that way

ever since that 

innocent.

cool.

summers day

Because no one celebrates divorce anniversaries 

And now it seems like I am the only one who wishes people did

Because I know I've accepted the way our lives are now

But that won't stop me from wishing it didn't change

Because even though there is no constant war 

over who's family we are spend thanksgivings day with

And no more threatenings of finding coal in our stockings on Christmas Day

Nothing could replace those cool summers days

And the last one ended at 12 in the afternoon 

And even now I can feel the breeze 

and the sun in my heart 

like our lives were merely paused 

But there is no resume button 

and I'm starting to realize 

maybe we just reached 

a game over

perfect and things that aren't synonymous with it

It seems like people throw around the word perfect like its some brand of yogurt.

But something inside of me dies each time they use it to describe me.

Because I never was nor will I ever be perfect

And lying was never me

And sometimes I'm afraid to live in a world where what I am is perfect

So what is perfect

And what caused you to think we were synonymous 

And you must have fallen into some haze to think I could even shine a light on the word perfect.

Because I wasn't really your perfect daughter 

I was your only daughter

Because perfect is the monster under my bed

And perfect is scary

And perfect is pressing 

And perfect demands attention

And I've never met perfect

And I'm pretty sure perfect never wanted to meet me

If by some chance someday we meet it will be because someone gave perfect the wrong directions 

and perfect will be able to tell the difference from a mere glance

And then perfect will turn around and just keep on walking

Because Perfect has never even spoken my name 

Because perfect was never a synonym for

Broken

Worried

Forgotten 

Because perfect never told a lie

Or made a mistake

And perfect never scribbled in my handwriting

Perfect may have used a pen

But perfect did not use and abandoned pen found on the floor

Perfect never wore bulky sweaters or baggy shirts

And perfect never shared a name with someone more talented than them

And I'm pretty sure perfect wears brand name clothing and makeup

And I'm pretty sure perfect has clear skin

Maybe perfect isn't beautiful

But I'm pretty sure perfect is kind

And perfect is smart

And full of compliments to give

Perfect is probably clever and funny

And maybe perfect is you

But trust me perfect is not me

So go pick up a thesaurus before you start to write poetry

Im failing

I'm sorry i'm failing your class

I'm sorry I have a job 

and a family that's split in two

I'm sorry I'd rather write this poem

Than work on homework 

I'm sorry I stayed after school to work on this poem

Instead of get help on homework

I'm sorry

That I ache to write

To feel

To believe

Ad I'm sorry I don't believe

Y=mx+b will solve all my problems

And soh cah toa 

Will fulfill my dreams

I'm sorry that you know I need to know this stuff

And I'm failing

Because pi was never as cool as you made it out to be

And math never taught me how to mend a broken heart

And math never hid my tears

And math never set me free

So I'm sorry but 

I think I'll stick to writing

This one is short and I don't know what to call it

I'm a little tired right now
and I just heard someone say
"patience is a great thing. If you have time for it."
And I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

In truth this man is my step father
And in truth I don't think he should ever create motivational posters.

But he looked at the moon and said it looked far away.
And I couldn't help but wish that the moon were closer.

Because maybe I have abandonment issues

And maybe the moon has been the most constant thing in my erratic teenage life

And maybe I'm afraid that will change

Pack rat

You call me a pack rat

Because I Still  have that plastic lizard I got from the dentist when I was 5.

And the toy car my brother gave me when I was 4 

And the plastic alien with the base ball batt I got at trafalga when I was 6

You say I need to clean my room 

Because you can't see into all the note books on my floor 

and can't read the writing inside 

and you can't see that even the empty ones had a plan. 

They just haven't made it yet 

and I don't intend to be the one to stop them.

You say I need to de junk

Because I still have old glass bottles

And old video game cases

And books next to my bed I wanted to read 2 years ago

But I can't let go. Because what if I end up needing them.

I have 3 old sports trophies from back when I could still win those. 

Because I wasn't always a looser

I have 3 China dolls I got from my grandmother but don't look at anymore because they creep me out. 

I have 3 stuffed animals I got from boys which are practically trophies

And an old valentine that was related to my favorite video game 

I have 4 sets of the Book of Mormon because I could never mark scriptures just right.

I have an old chair with a design I never liked because it's comfortable to sit in in a weird neck breaking way

I have 7 or so glass dogs because I kept picking up more from the dollar store and didn't want to throw them away. 

I have 2 pairs of cleats that I never wear because I don't have the time or talent to play sports anymore.

I have 20 or so hats because it's called a collection for a reason.

I have 13 polished rocks sitting in a tin box because what else would I do with them.

I have a littlest pet shop digital pet and a tamagotchi that both ran out of batteries long ago. 

I have zebra duct tape I am afraid to use

Because then it will be gone.

I have an old tv no one wants that isn't even hooked up to anything because it's not mine to throw away

I have 15 necklaces I never wear because they were gifts and I can't help but think I'll wear them some day.

I have 25 or so pairs of earrings but I stopped wearing them 2 years ago

I have old crossword puzzle books because I'm still working on them even though I've probably only finished a page. 

I have 5 sculptures I don't even know what to do with

And some left over Christmas lifesavers 

And I guess you could say it's a mess

But I'm not ready to change

Sorry yet another poem about love...

I know you love me

But sometimes I wonder how strongly

Because I want you to love me

Like the painter loves to paint

I want you to love me as strongly

as The Gravity that causes 

the moon to circle the earth 

I want you to love me

Like the stars live to shine

Because I swear I live to love you

I want you to love me

Like a man in a desert loves water

And like a child loves dessert

I want you to love me 

the way a dog loves everything

And the way tourists like to take pictures

I want you to love me 

like the blind man Wishes to see

I want you to love me

The way cold toes love blankets

And the way hands love steaming mugs 

of hot cocoa

Because that is the way 

I love you