I tried to write about nature, but what is nature without the eye of the beholder.

It's nights like these 
where the sky is a blanket over my head 
And no one is lonely

It's nights like these 
where windows open silently
And the wonder continues 

It's nights like these 
where I steal kisses under the full moon
And it's ok

It's nights like these 
when I no longer feel inadequate 
Because I'm needed 

It's nights like these 
that I don't want to sleep
Because I don't want the morning to come

It's nights like these
Where I whisper my secrets 
And stop worrying about despair

It's nights like these
Where I think of you and the sky and life
And everything seems fine

The air is warm 
A breeze blows through
the only sound comes from crickets 
And the sound of my feet 

But tonight 
I'm sad to say
Is not one of those nights

Even though I keep telling myself it is

Tonight it is cold
Tonight my windows 
are practically boarded shut

There are no leaves on the trees for the wind to rustle through

And tonight I am alone

There is no moon to comfort me 
And no kisses to steal

There are no secrets I want to whisper
And no ear to hear when I say 
I love you 

Tonight is a night 
Full of tired delirium 
Of terrible spelling
Of almost tears
And almost confessions

Because tonight it is cold
And my mom is mad at my step dad
And he needs a kidney transplant
And I don't know how 
to be mad at either of them right now

Tonight is not a night for good dreams 
So why try and sleep

So instead

I'll just fill my thoughts 

with you

And better nights

A list of things I'm sorry I'm not sorry about

Things I'm sorry about

I'm sorry my dog won the contest for my phone lock screen background

I'm sorry you only got the home page 

I'm sorry I think about food more 

than I think about you

I'm sorry I can't always look good

And I'm sorry I'm no good at dressing up

I'm sorry I'm so awkward 

And that everyone is aware of that fact

Most of all I'm sorry that I'm not really very sorry about these things

But I wish I were

Death, it's promises. Life, and it's betrayal.

Death

I don't like death 
Because it stole my best friend(dog) from me

I don't like life 
because it wouldn't fight to let me keep her

The worst part 
was knowing it was coming 

During her last few days 
she looked and sounded 
like she was in 
so 
much 
.
pain

So I prayed for life to make her whole

But life doesn't listen to me

So I bargained with death to dull the pain

As I stroked her soft copper ears and head clung to her 
And nearly bathed her with my tears

Death 
stopped the wheezing labored breaths 
the fits of coughing 
the limping 
And the cold 

Life let it go on 
for that I'll never forgive life

But I suppose 
I need to thank it for giving me 
the time I had with her.

So thank you 

Death 

I expect a lot from you

I hope you give me time to say goodbye
And don't take me before I'm ready

I hope you give me a story

Not one of those lame ones like tripping and falling down some flights of stairs 

If possible 
I'd like to save someone 
before you take me. 
And I'd like to be saved as well

Life

I can't say I'm overly fond of you

You took my parents' marriage away 
you moved me and my brother into different homes
You let my dog suffer 
and didn't fight for her life
You let my family hurt me 
from time to time 
You made me feel like a failure 
A ghost
And a lost cause 

One day you'll let death take my family
probably the hard way

And one day you'll let me go 

And I just hope on that day

Death can keep it's promises

Far better than you did.