when i go

Will time stand still without me
When I bow
will they close the curtains  
Because I'm lying
on a bed that isn't mine
And thinking
Will I ever not be here
Because home hasn't been constant
In a long time
But home has always meant family

And even though this bed isn't mine
I know they too
are sleeping on a bed
That is only half theirs
And they are less than 20ft away
And what happens
When home
isn't even a quarter home
When home is replaced with
the "apartment"
What happens
when the place i sleep
is next to a stranger
And the meals I make
Are mine
What happens
when I'm not living for them
When I'm not fighting for them

And maybe I'm just worried
How much could happen
In a year and a half
How much the beds and rooms
that aren't fully mine
Become someone else's
How much they learn to live
without me

And maybe I just want to be remembered
Maybe I don't want to be
the kid they email a few times a year
Maybe I'd rather
they left an empty room
or an empty bed
Just so I know
they are still waiting for me