10U3

Love

I saw you

On my brother's fiance's car

When the mileage was halfway between

0 and 1

I saw you in the moon

And felt you in the night air

And in every bite of good food

And even in some of the bad

But most of all

I felt you in his arms

And tears

And lips

And I know you told me

You where a ghost

But I just didn't believe

Couldn't believe

Because love said 

You were real

And love whispered 

That you would never leave me

Even though I knew you had to

Love told me 

we would always have 

that awkward side hug while we walk

And I would always 

awkwardly 

curl the ends of my fingers into yours 

And you would always be there to laugh

And make funny faces

And make me feel like I am 5 again

Because let's face it 

I'm no good at growing up

Somehow I think love is right 

You will never really be gone 

Because my heart was made for 2

And my pockets will always be filled 

With pieces of you

And poems like this one

Pumpkin hour (I wrote this a few months ago btw)

8:00

The blood pumps newly through my veins 

I could do anything

Be anything 

Because at this hour 

I have more ambition 

then I will have through the next 24

8:30

Fighting to stay awake

 is like brushing aside a feather 

easy 

light weight

9:00

My conscience kicks in

And reminds me of the mistakes I have had throughout the day

Week

And Year

9:30

The blood pumping through my brain is hurried 

I begin to flick my fore head as images appear in my brain 

dating back to kindergarten.

10:00

Feeling blue

Because maybe 

no one else feels this way at night

10:30

Down in the dumps 

11:00

Depressed, Alone

Lonely, Alone

Lost, Alone

Empty sheets

And lingering memories 

of 

long lost dreams 

11:30

Worthless 

Because why would anyone want me

12:00

Slips into insanity

1:00

Half asleep 

mumbling 

jitters

Walking 

Eating

Light switch flipping

Door opening

Not remembering 

insanity.

2:00

All this times 10

Then passing out

When I was a kid 

my mom like to call her bedtime 

pumpkin hour 

Which to her 

was a reference to cinderella's coach

as if the night could change us all. 

But it turns out nothing changes at 10:30 

the crying stays the same 

The voices in my head stay the same 

But I stopped trying to silence them 

There is no magic spell 

that changes us within that hour

The worst part is

that we were all still people 

Not a mouse who believed 

he was a white horse for a few hours.

But a person who thought 

they could be loved for a few hours 

And I have always been one that feared 

all people would ever love 

Was the magic dress that appeared 

and vanished 

just like clock work

Weeds or wild flowers

We were wild flowers on the roadside

We were sunburnt 

And thirsty

I was lost mistakes 

And new dreams

I was a few goodbyes 

And fewer hellos 

I was the ghost of my school

And the clown of our house

Because painting on smiles

Became my new hobby

9th grade might as well have been a play

Because none of it felt real

Surrounded by pedigree plants

I pretended I was just one of them

But I've learned 

That pedigree plants 

don't grow on their own 

And I never wanted 

To be one of them

And painting roses red

Never changed what they were

Or what they could be

But leaving them that way

That's where it gets dangerous

So I chipped away the paint 

piece by piece  

And when I was done 

I met some people 

Who saw me as the wild flower I was

Not just a weed

Because maybe

That's how I felt.

15 days a ghost

It's only 15 days until you leave me

But I can't complain

Because you're leaving me for God

And you promised

You promised

You would be back for me in 2 years

I'll hold you to that

At 16 days you Hugged me close

And said

You where a ghost

But you felt so warm

So real

I nearly choked

Jut 15 days

15 

days

In 13 days 

I can't hug you anymore

And in 15 

I'll wish I hugged you a lot more