This is not a poem about breakups

This is not a poem about breakups 

Because we were never together

This is not a poem about losing my chance

Because I never loved you

This is a poem about 

How you thought you loved me

How it took me until the Ends of the earth

To prove to you

That you never loved me

This is a poem

About how I'm glad your gone

But hate feeling like the enemy

This is a poem

About lost days

Where I thought we could be friends

This is a poem

About how you pretended to care

Pretended to apologize

To make your friends forgive you

And I respect that

But the words from your mouth 

Don't even ring in my ears anymore

You might as well be talking to an empty room

Because I don't need what you bring

Promises and apologies 

You will soon break

And then apologize for again

Once your over yourself

I understand we can't get along anymore

Because you were too dumb to realize

You didn't even love me 

Let alone get along with me

This is a poem about regret

Because I didn't want to be the villain 

This is a poem of frustration

Because I never should have needed to be

This is a poem of pity

Because I don't have the heart to care

About anything to do with you anymore

And with this poem

I'm done

The loss of my best friend, the one covered in fur

I never realized 

Until you were gone

That I'm no good at being alone

Your comforting presence 

And warm kisses

I took them all for granted

Now my life is full of holes

In the places you used to be

I still can't believe your gone

When I look out that window

My eyes automatically search for you 

Only to realize once again 

that you are gone

Your gone and you can't come back

And now I have to learn

...How to live without you...

love and the loss of my brain

i mentioned earlier 
that love is a part 
of what makes us human

but at the same time
its more than that
but also less than that

love is what we desperately hope for
but try to push away

because what if
it were truly just a dream
just a wish

just something made up 
by hippies driven by drugs

and what if its real
oh if its real
were all doomed

because what if you missed your chance 
and what if its too late

but heres the truth about love
it will be there when you least expect it

its not something you breath in 
or something in the air
its something inside of each of us

just like when my parents truth fully said 
they loved each other
i can say that i love hot chocolate
in fact i can say i'm in love with hot chocolate

because hot cocoa has no say in my feelings for it
there is no force telling me 
hot cocoa is attractive or hot or delicious
its my personal opinion

but maybe one day i will win a contest
and because i love hot chocolate more than anyone else on the planet
i will get to jump into the worlds largest mug of hot cocoa 
and drink all i want

and maybe i will discover that hot cocoa 
should be served cold if intended to drink
and spend time in the hospital due to third degree burns
maybe i will learn 
i'm not as good at swimming as i thought
and also spend time in the hospital 

and maybe just maybe i will stop loving hot cocoa

but that doesn't mean that i didn't love hot cocoa 
or that that love wasn't real
it simply means that i don't see it the same way anymore

which is why you don't truly deeply love someone 
until you learn to love their faults

because love is not in the air 
its something inside you
and even though loving someone is not always your choice
working for that love is

love is genuine caring 
and believing that that person
faults and all
is important
and that you want to spend your time with them
that you want to make them smile 
to make them happy
that you want that person to rely on you

love isnt a great force out in the world
but a great force within you that no one truly understands yet
because you cannot program a robot to love
and it is far from logical 
i can only assume that 
rather than love being some stupid chemical in the brain
it is a part of you
a part of you that 
like a drug
tells your brain to be happy or sad or confused or strait out dumb founded

because love is hard complex 
and definitely not a part of science or math

because no matter how science tries to define it
it dosent make sense
if it were science 
love would make us happy
just happy

if it were math 
one person plus another 
gives you three 
because two people can make a baby

i know im far from qualified 
to tell you that science and math 
have nothing on love
but if my brain could contain love
i wouldn't feel like someone turns it off 
whenever i'm near you 
like i'm running on the fumes
of past thoughs
past words

like i can never say the right things
or talk enough
i would never feel like i needed to open up to you
because i dont feel like i need to to speak my mind to anyone else