blackout poetry

Lingering

The truth is 

I'm not ok

And I'm starting to feel 
that maybe I'm bipolar

Because home is the loneliest place to be
Because I'm alone in that room all night

Wishing I were a ghost

Then I go to school

And I have friends who notice and care
Who tell me I'm not just being dumb

And then you pick me up from the bus stop
And my heart stops

Because I could never in a million years
Deserve you

And I'm afraid you'll notice

And I'm afraid you won't 

And I'm afraid 

All I'll ever be

Is broken

Lingering on your every word
On their every word of comfort
And on every feeling of loneliness 

My heart and the clinking sounds in my chest

I hate to tell you this
But I am broken

I'm not who I wish I was

And I've tried to piece my heart together

But it just won't work

Because there are too many 
pieces missing 

And I'm done wasting time

Because those flimsy scotch tape lies
Won't fix anything

Because I'm breaking more each day
And I'm running out of lies to tell

My roll of tape is empty
And I'm done hiding

I'm done being ok
And I'm done being perfect

Because I swear 
That's all that people see

But I toss and turn at night
And nothing feels right

Because the pieces of my heart
Make clinking sounds as I move

And my mind is so tired

It forgets to pretend to be ok