A little taste of synesthesia

My name is purple

Not a dark purple

Not a bright purple

Not even a very light purple

A slightly dull slightly light purple

With a hint of tranquil

And transparent

Purple used to be my favorite color 

Purple was the color of my room

And is still the color of my name

Even when I hated purple 

My name was still purple

Even when 

my favorite flower changed 

from purple pansies 

to blue Daisies 

my name was still purple

My weight is green

A darker and brighter than grass green

A darker than walnut tree leaves green 

My weight is a tropical forest green

Almost A pine tree green but a little lighter 

My weight has changed and I don't remember what a lot of them were. But that one time I road a roller coaster and barely passed the weight limit

My weight was yellow

An almost orange yellow

A awkwardly orange sunflower orange 

A faded paint kind of orange 

A yellow orange crayon kind of orange

And I got bruises on my back from that roller coaster ride because I didn't quite make it. 

And even though the bruises on my back were green 

And my weight had been somewhere between my favorite color and the color of my favorite flowers leaves earlier that morning 

My weight was then yellow

But now it is green

My age is a lime green 

A little citrusy 

But mostly a well tended garden 

The kind full of sprouts 

Where nothing has really grown yet 

My hobbies are grey

Perfect

Clean

With substance

Not a clear or white 

Without commitment

Or a restraining black 

without freedom

Just grey

My thoughts are blue

My personality is blue

A limitless sea and sky blue

Monday's are a red grey

Tuesday's are a clear blue

Wednesday is green a forest green

Thursday is a grey blue

Friday is orange 

Saturday is a brown a tan dirt brown

Sunday is yellow 

My favorite numbers used to be 6 and 21 

6 was a dull blush pink 

And 21 seemed to glow but was also a Tuesday kind of color 

Now my favorite number is 123

Because it is my weight 

Because it fulfills my OCD

And because it is my favorite shade of green

Casper was an orange kind of name 

But also a white kind of name

When you add Wyatt it became a black white and orange kind of name

Davis was an orange kind of name and Tolley was a green kind of name 

But for some reason Davis Tolley was a blue and orange kind of name

Gardner was a red kind of name

Red like the clay on a base ball field 

But Mallary will always be purple

And I'm not too fond of purple

Goodbyes and lullabies

I wondered why saying goodbye Seemed so easy

And it took me a while to realize

I've had a lot of practice 

The twang of I'm sorry

The clang of its not your fault

And the pin dropping in a silent room of

I can't 

Sometimes accompanied with tears 

And a melody of whimpering 

And sometimes covered up by some cookie cutter instrumental lies

Because my goodbyes 

have always sounded a lot 

like bad country music

And the twang on my heart strings 

Always seemed a little too rough

A little too forceful 

But your goodbye 

Your goodbye was a lullaby

A plucking of heart strings 

So soft 

And so heartfelt 

I knew it was a promise

Crybaby heart

I think I've lost my mind

Because I see you in every thing 

I see your eyes in blue sky's

And your smile in the clouds

And I hear your voice in the sunset

I hear your singing accompany the crickets 

And your laugh in the wind 

And I know it's only been 3 months since you left 

And I know that means I have 21 left 

But I day dream about you

And every night my fingers ache 

Ache to be intertwined in yours 

And my heart feels just a little more alone 

Like my ribs were never really company

But mearly the bars on its crib

Because it's crying 

Because it wants to be held 

And it wants to be heard 

But I don't indulge in pity

Or making others worry 

So I'll keep the screaming at bay 

With the lullaby 

Of nearly suffocating lungs 

And rememberig to breathe 

Because I used to complain 

That I never felt hungry 

Because I missed you

But apparently 

that may just be a side affect of bronchitis 

Which I don't think I told you I had

But now my stomach is so emotionally gone that all I have is a sense of numbness 

And the only feeling left 

Is my crybaby heart

That doesn't seem to want to sleep 

Because who knows if you are safe

And who knows if you still love me

And who knows if I will make it that far

Because I hear you are losing weight 

But I'm afraid there will be nothing left to hug

And afraid you will realize 

You can do better than me

But I've taken over your family

Which was like a pacifier to my heart

And an Advil to my mind

Because I don't want you to ever stop loving me